


You Pull Me Back From The Fire

by Artemis_Reiko



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Paramedic Gray, Serious Issues, Takes turns between present and flashback chapters, The Angst Is A Flood, This will be more heartbreaking as it goes on until like the last few chapters, Trying to be as accurate as possible, You Have Been Warned, firefighter natsu, these two have issues, years of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-07 18:50:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Reiko/pseuds/Artemis_Reiko
Summary: Modern Disaster AU! A fire destroyed life as Natsu and Gray knew it when they were kids. When a new disaster strikes their city, on a scale never seen before, Gray has to face his biggest fears in order to keep Natsu safe, and Natsu has to push aside childhood resentments, if he is to accept Gray's hand when it reaches out to pull him back from the fire.





	1. Since The Fire

Natsu bypassed the television and the couch entirely on his way to the kitchen. Gray had just sat down, flicking on the channel for the news. Natsu didn't greet him. He and Gray were roommates, but that didn't mean they were... close. It didn't mean they actually talked much. Not anymore. At least, not since the fire.

 

It was so routine for them not to say a word to one another that, as Natsu grabbed two eggs from the refrigerator for breakfast, he was stunned to hear Gray speak to him. The words he said were troublesome.

 

"You can't go to work today," he said, standing right there in the entrance to the kitchen, leaning against the side of it, the picture of composure if not for the downturn of his lips and the shift in his right foot.

 

The eggs cracked in Natsu's grip. He closed his eyes, inhaled, exhaled, walked over to the roll of napkins on the counter, ripped one free and leaned down to clean the splattered eggs off the floor. He wasn't doing this again. He threw the napkin in the trash can under the sink and washed his hands, ignoring Gray entirely. He should've known Gray wouldn't leave well enough alone.

 

"Natsu, we have to-"

 

"No," Natsu cut him off, "I  _ can _ go to work. That's my choice. I am a firefighter, Gray. We fight fires." He was so tired of living in silence and then having the same fight every week. Over and over again. Gray had made his choice. Natsu respected it. He should be granted the same courtesy.

 

"But the news-," Gray persisted, eyes angry and frustrated.

 

"I don't  _ care _ what you saw  _ on the news _ . I don't  _ care _ how  _ big _ the fire is this time. Stop it." Natsu had clenched fists and clenched teeth and Gray had his hair falling over his eyes, hiding his expression. It was quiet in the kitchen. Natsu got out two more eggs, checked the time on the clock on the wall, sighed, and put the eggs back where he got them from. He wouldn't have time for breakfast. He got a bagel out of the bag, closed it again, and shoved past Gray in the entryway, bumping shoulders aggressively. Gray didn't say anything else.

 

Natsu went out the front door, shoving the bagel into his mouth as he made his way down the stairs and out of the building.

 

There was a breeze that threatened to blow away his scarf and he tucked the ends of it into his shirt. He ran down the street, heading to the station, and heard sirens in three different directions. The wind was picking up and his shirt rose up from where he'd tucked it slightly into the front of his pants. He used his hands to flatten it down, annoyed as the air around him hit his skin. He stopped at an intersection, baffled as the cars screeched in every direction, panicked expressions as people ran out of the buildings, screaming at each other to " _ get the fuck out of the way, I have a child!" _

 

He looked in the direction of one of the sirens he heard and saw the smoke rising in the distance. A fire. Near the intersection. Massive. Close. He nearly ran toward it, ready to meet his co-workers when a man crashed into him and knocked him to the ground. He saw the footsteps of panicked screaming people by his head. Instead of running away from the flames, some people were running  _ toward  _ them, others heading underground to the subway entrances. People shouldn't be headed toward the fire.  _ What the hell am I missing? _ The ends of his scarf blew out of his shirt and he angrily shoved them back in, standing, turning around to face the wind when-

 

Everything clicked in his head as his eyes widened, jaw falling slack at the view. He couldn't process it. Then the first man was lifted into the air toward the edge of the city and Natsu snapped out of his shock.

 

A tornado. Headed toward a fire. The wind would feed the flames and the flames would feed it in return and everything, everything in sight would burn. Everyone would burn alive in the vortex or inhale enough smoke to blacken their lungs and drain every cell of oxygen.

People were crowding the entrances to the subway, cars were starting to move of their own accord, playing to the whims of the wind that grew stronger by the second and Natsu was about to head down underground with the others, when a thought stopped him dead in his tracks.

 

Gray.

 

Gray was home and alone and he wouldn't make it underground in time. Natsu looked at the tornado, the cars still in the distance that were being sucked up into the thick swirl of dark clouds, being torn apart violently. It was getting closer and Natsu broke into a run back to his place shirt rising up, limbs beaten with the force of the winds slapping against them, and in the haze of garbage flying around, he tried to see clearly. He saw that the large objects lifting into the vortex were rising up from closer and closer by the second and Natsu clutched onto a lamp post to remain grounded, a single thought lighting up every nerve in his brain. Gray. Gray. Gray. He needed to get to Gray. He couldn't lose Gray.

 

"Natsu!"

 

Gray's voice. Natsu's head shot to look at the intersection he had yet to cross. There, body half obscured by the manhole in the center of the street leading to the sewers, was Gray holding out the manhole cover, a desperate look on his face.

 

The tornado was inching closer and if Natsu didn't do this quick, he would be sucked up into the current. He gripped the lamp post. If he didn't take this chance he'd be a dead man.  _ Do it. Let go. _

 

A beat. Two. He let go and ran, making it seven steps before the wind blew up beneath his legs, his abdomen, his chest, his neck, lifting him fast and he reached out his arm desperately, eyes shut and prepared for the worst.

 

The wind was swirling around him, his body floating, feet pointed in the direction of the storm, but his hand-

 

A laugh ripped free of his throat.

 

His hand was clutching the edge of the metal cover, Gray's hand latched on the other end in a death grip, arm shaking with tremors.

 

Natsu held his grip on the thin metal cylinder tightly. Gray was shouting something he couldn't make out in the wind. Natsu felt his grip slipping. His eyes locked on Gray's, both gazes wide and frantic as Natsu was pulled farther out, Gray's arm on the other end of the metal, strained, veins popping out on the side of his forearm. Natsu looked at Gray, his lips, straining his ears to hear the words he was saying, desperately wanting to hear the last words Gray would speak to him. He saw the movements, his heart thundering away in his ears. Gray's other hand reaching out for him.

 

_ Take my hand. _

 

Natsu didn't hesitate, arm swinging forward fast, fingers latching onto Gray the moment the metal cover was ripped from their hands, flying away into the vortex that was sucking the life out of their city. Gray's feet were hooked under the first rung of the ladder heading down, his legs tense and shaking under the pressure, the only thing keeping them alive now. He unhooked one foot, lowering it and hooking it under the second rung, both hands tightly entwined with tan ones. Natsu's abdomen still rigid in the air. Gray continued the process, until they were in deep enough for Natsu to latch onto the rungs himself, and then they were both disappearing down the manhole, headed deep into the sewers for cover.

 

When they reached the bottom, they could finally make out sounds, rats scurrying along the length of the tunnels, some water trickling along the pipes, the distant sound of the storm raging far above their heads. The deep panting echoing as both of them tried to catch their breaths.

Natsu looked at Gray. His hair was a mess, his eyes were closed, his head between his knees as if he was blocking out the events of the day. His breathing was evening out, and slowly his eyes slid open, taking in their surroundings. Then his eyes zeroed in on Natsu, inspecting him for who-knew-what, possibly potential injuries.

 

Gray was dramatic with him that way, always telling him to be less of an idiot and actually look after himself. Even so, Natsu knew how much Gray hated fires. He knew how Gray ordered takeout and used the microwave to heat anything Natsu made far too often because he just couldn't stand to see the fire from the stove. If someone had candles in their house, Gray would not step inside. If someone threw out a cigarette without properly putting it out, Gray would go off on them so bad that they would be reduced to tears afterward. They'd lost friends who smoked because of it. He was terrified of the flames, of everything they had come to represent. Gray would have wanted to take cover as soon as he saw the warning on the news and realized the tornado was headed for a fire in the heart of the city. He would've wanted to head to the sewers immediately and yet-

 

"You followed me," Natsu realized out loud. The sewer entrance had been five blocks away from their apartment. Gray had walked out into the chaos to get him, knowing there were other entrances to the sewers nearby. Natsu hadn't been trying to ask the question. It was just a thought that slipped out. Gray only looked at him, eyes dark and searching for something that Natsu didn't understand. Now that he said it, he needed an answer. Some kind of response. Anything. Gray didn't take unnecessary risks. He wasn't one to put himself in the line of fire for other people. Not anymore. Not since they were kids.

 

"You idiot!" he shouted, voice reverberating far and wide in the tunnels along the shallow water, "Why would you come after me?" Gray could have  _ died  _ following Natsu, waiting for him to clue in to the danger on the horizon. He would've died surrounded by his greatest fear and Natsu couldn't see anything worth that mental torture.

 

Gray shut his eyes briefly. He was still shaking. His voice was quiet, but in the sewers with only Natsu to hear him, it might as well have been a scream. He opened his eyes and leveled Natsu with a look that spoke of a thousand emotions, years of frustration, narrowed and defiant.

 

"I pull you back from the fire," he said. Natsu froze in place, stricken by the weight of those words, the pain behind them and every memory attached to the syllables. The words he'd heard so many times as a kid, so few after the fire. The words that kept them both up at night in separate rooms filled with years of regrets and  _ what ifs _ and thoughts they couldn't say out loud.

 

Gray's eyes watered, but he held Natsu's gaze, even with his voice growing a decibel higher.

 

"I won't," he said, teeth gritted as his voice caught and his throat constricted, "lose you to the fire."

 

Natsu clenched his fists. The last time Gray said that, Natsu had just lost the last of his family. The last time Gray said those words, they had both lost everything they knew and the world had become a darker lonely place. It wasn't Gray's fault. Natsu knew that now. But the words still cut deep and made it feel like a hand was reaching into a cavity in his chest and clawing jaggedly at his heart, taking no heed of the ribs that stood in its way. Natsu shut his eyes to keep the feeling at bay, to prevent tears from rising out of the depths of his eyes where he'd kept them locked away for so long. Since the fire.

 

It felt like that every time he made Gray cry.


	2. Two Young Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback Chapter

_ Zeref had dropped out of school to care for Natsu, to pay the bills, to move them into their little apartment across the hall from Ur and her two kids. Igneel had left them the house, so they were doing pretty well now that Zeref had sold it, gotten a part time job, and saved up more money, enough to maintain them both for some time. It had been painful, selling the home they grew up in, but Zeref was rational more than he was emotional and it had been a practical solution. It was better to afford food and water than it was to hold onto their childhood memories. In a few years Natsu would get over it. In fact, he seemed to be getting along with Ur's youngest son, Gray, so it was working out for the best. Igneel had been a firefighter and one night, he'd been called in for an emergency, a fire breaking out in the suburbs on the edge of the woods. Igneel had headed out, smiling at a fourteen year old Zeref and telling him, as always, 'take care of Natsu.' Zeref took it to heart, even when Igneel never returned and they were issued a death certificate a year after his disappearance into the flames. Then Natsu turned six and started prattling on about how he was going to be the 'best firefighter in all of Magnolia' so that he could 'find Igneel' and Zeref allowed himself to break down for the first time since their father vanished. There wouldn't be any finding Igneel. Igneel was dead. He just couldn't say so to Natsu. He had allowed Natsu to believe that Igneel was simply missing and he might come back one day, but every time Natsu came home from school he would ask about Igneel and Zeref would answer the same way, 'He's not here, Natsu.' Natsu had stopped asking, but he still had a hopeful gleam in his eye, even two years later. _

 

_ Natsu and Gray were in the kitchen, waiting for Ur to come back from the bathroom so she could make lunch. Zeref had gone to work and left Natsu with Ur. Neither of them had ever cooked anything on their own, being all of eight years old and finding sugary cereals positively delicious. Still, Natsu was nothing if not adventurous. He turned the dial on the stove, gasping as the gas made a thin snapping noise and then the small fire lit, ready to be used. The little flames were dancing in his view and they were blue. He'd never seen blue flames before, but they were fascinating. He stuck his hand out, and Gray slapped it away. _

 

_ "Idiot! You'll burn yourself," he said, switching the dial back to down on the stove. Natsu simply grinned at him. _

 

_ "Not with you here to 'pull me back from the fire'," he said, laughing. When Natsu and Zeref had just moved in across the hall, Zeref had gone up to Ur's door, knocked, and matter-of-factly pointed out that he had to go to work and he couldn't leave Natsu alone because he was a child, a fact that a six-year-old Natsu protested vehemently. Zeref had looked at her and a silent but curious Gray staring at them expectantly, and Ur had looked at the energetic little boy with pink hair, sighed, and nodded. Zeref left and within a few minutes, Gray mispronounced Natsu's name, they got in a fight, Natsu knocked a candle into the curtains, and Gray pulled a small Natsu into his chest, hiding behind the couch and yelling out for Ur as she ran toward them with the fire extinguisher. Ur had been scared witless for them, but once she'd calmed down, and thrown out all the candles, she expressed pride in Gray for 'pulling Natsu back from the fire.' The phrase had become a joke between them since then. A small reminder of how they met. _

 

_ Gray smiled. Natsu was a little bit obsessed with fire, but as long as he was always there to pull him back before he could hurt himself, Gray couldn't find it in him to be upset about it. Not that he'd say that to Natsu. Saying that out loud would be… weird. His face pinkened at the thought. He shook his head. _

 

_ "Always," he replied, smirk in place, "You'd be lost without me." _

 

_ "Nope," Natsu said, "You're the one who totally has a crush on me." _

 

_ Natsu always said it as a joke, but every time he said it Gray blushed and tried to tell himself that he was wrong. Even if Gray had seen that romance manga that Ur was reading and instead of imagining a girl to suit him, he'd pictured pink locks and bright smiles. He didn't have a… a crush… on Natsu. Natsu was just his best friend and they spent an abnormal amount of time together. That was all. _

 

_ Before Gray could deny it, there was a knock on the door and Natsu's eyes lit up and he ran out of the kitchen, Gray following behind him. _

 

_ When Natsu reached the front door, he flung it open and Zeref blinked before looking down at him. It was funny how Zeref seemed to forget Natsu's height every time he spent a few hours away. He was a genius, not even needing to study to earn his GED after dropping out of high school, but sometimes he was really clueless. _

 

_ Ur came from the bathroom and greeted Zeref. Zeref nodded in acknowledgement. He was a very reserved person, the exact opposite of Natsu. _

 

_ Natsu walked over to Zeref, big steps, fast ones. He turned back just before exiting and called out, "Bye, Gray. Bye, Ur. Tell Lyon to come outside next time." Natsu visited regularly and Lyon holed himself up in his room whenever he came over. Gray was quiet enough and Lyon was far quieter. Natsu was just too exhausting for him to handle on his best days, let alone when he was sick. _

 

_ Gray laughed quietly and Ur smiled, saying, "I will," as she closed the door behind them. _

 

_ Out in the hall, Zeref glanced at Natsu from the corner of his eye. Natsu was usually cheerful, but the smile he wore after his 'visits,' as he liked to call them, to Gray were much wider, brighter than the usual ones. The kind of smiles that had previously been reserved for Igneel and Zeref alone. _

 

_ "Did you have fun?" he asked, voice monotone. _

 

_ Natsu grinned. "Popsicle pants pulled me back from the fire again." _

 

_ Zeref sighed. Natsu and Gray had gotten in a vast number of fights over the course of their stay in the complex and one time Natsu had run over to the refrigerator, pulling out a popsicle stick to ward off Gray. Gray ended up covered in sticky rainbow colored residue and Natsu had called him 'popsicle pants' ever since. What was more troubling for Zeref was the end of Natsu's statement. _

 

_ "You were playing with fire again?" he asked, opening the door to their home. _

 

_ Natsu tensed. "I wasn't playing, honest! I just wanted to cook." His lower lip jutted out to demonstrate his sincere disappointment at not having done so. Zeref bit down his smile, shut the door. _

 

_ "You can cook when you're a little older," he told him. _

 

_ Natsu took in a deep breath and let out a big 'hmph,' turning away and crossing his arms. Zeref let a small smile creep onto his features. Natsu felt a bit warm, which was unusual for him, and he reached a hand up to tug at his scarf… only to feel empty air through his fingers. _

 

_ "Aniki! I forgot my scarf!" Natsu didn't go anywhere without his scarf and it spoke volumes about how comfortable he was with Gray that he would take it off anywhere near him. It was the last thing Igneel had ever given him, a birthday present. _

 

_ Zeref wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead. The weather was getting far too warm for his liking. He'd have to turn up the air conditioning in the apartment. He glanced at Natsu, who was now biting his lip in anxiety. _

 

_ "You can go get it," he allowed, "Just tell Ur to walk you back." _

 

_ "I'm not a kid!" Natsu shouted out as he ran to the door, unlocked it, and ran across the hall, door swinging shut behind him as he pounded on the door to Ur's unit. _

 

_ Gray opened the door. "Natsu?" he asked, then his mouth curved into a smirk, "Did you miss me already?" _

 

_ "I forgot my my scarf," Natsu told him, shoulders hunched in as if he felt exposed without it. _

 

_ "Oh, okay. Come in." Natsu rushed in and found his scarf in between the cushions, sighing in relief when he put it back around his neck. He remembered what Zeref had told him to do. _

 

_ "Where's Ur?" he asked. She'd been there not five minutes earlier. Gray sighed angrily and took off his shirt. _

 

_ "She went downstairs to talk to the guy who owns the place. The air conditioner isn't working," he added when Natsu looked confused as to why she would do that. "Why?" _

_ Natsu looked mildly embarrassed, but smiled anyway. "Zeref told me to get her to walk me back." _

 

_ Gray laughed. "You live just across the hall." _

 

_ Natsu glared at him. "Thank you, I didn't know that," he intoned sarcastically. _

 

_ Gray was still snickering at his expense, but he stopped when he saw smoke seeping in from under the door. Gray ran to Lyon's door, banging frantically. "Lyon! Lyon, wake up! Get up! Open the door!" Lyon slept through his fevers and he had a runny nose. He wouldn't smell the smoke, wouldn't notice it until it was filling up his lungs. _

 

_ Natsu stared at Gray with immediate concern. _

 

_ "Gray?" Natsu asked. Gray was still frantically trying to pull Lyon's door open. "Gray, what are you doing?" Gray paid him no attention, his face the image of panic. "Gray!" Natsu shouted, pulling at his arm. _

 

_ Gray turned to him, yelling, "The building is on fire!" _

 

_ Natsu's eyes widened and he took a moment to notice the smell, coming from behind the door to the hallway. _

 

_ Gray continued screaming for Lyon. "Lyon, the building is on fire! Open the door! Please!" He was pulling on the door knob frantically, hoping with every fiber of his being that Lyon hadn't plugged in his headphones. _

 

_ Natsu ran for the door to the hall. Zeref didn't know. Why hadn't they heard the fire alarm? Why hadn't anyone pulled it? Too late, Gray noticed what Natsu was doing and yelled out, "Natsu, don't!" only to watch as Natsu opened the door and the flames burst into the room, licking at the walls, the couches, the ceiling. Natsu was running directly into the inferno in the hall and Gray ran, snatched his arm back, pulling him into the apartment, running for the windows, for the fire escape. _

 

_ "No!" Natsu yelled, "Let me go! Zeref! Zeref!" He was fighting Gray's hold on him, even after he started coughing through the haze. Gray wrapped his other arm around Natsu's waist, struggling to haul him alongside him across the burning room as the fire spread down to Lyon's room. He prayed Lyon would make it out. He couldn't get to him. _

 

_ Natsu was coughing and swinging his arms violently, a blur of pink in Gray's hold. Still he kept on screaming. "Aniki! ZEREF!" His voice was hoarse and desperate and more animal than human through tears of frustration as his limbs weakened with the lack of clear oxygen and still he begged Gray, "Please! Let me go! Zeref!" _

 

_ Natsu knew Igneel wasn't coming back. He'd kept his smile on for his brother. He'd tried to be positive for his brother, who wore the weight of the world on his shoulders. Zeref was all he had left. His only family. Zeref was all he had in the world. He couldn't lose him too. Not when he'd already lost Igneel. Not to a fire. He couldn't lose another person to a fire. He had to get to him. But he felt his vision fading and the tears falling and he got the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach that he wouldn't make it to him. _

 

_ Gray flicked open the glass panel. They needed to get outside. To fresh air. Natsu was already growing weaker with the smoke inhalation and Gray would save him. He'd worry about Ur and Lyon as soon as he got Natsu outside. He put one foot outside, dragging a severely dazed, but still mildly struggling Natsu out after him. He could feel a deep pressure on his chest, and it was getting hard to breathe. He closed the window after them and laid Natsu on the metal floor that was slowly heating up beneath their feet. The fire would burn and shatter the window in a few more minutes and Gray needed to get them down the fire escape. _

 

_ The stairs had a lever that the tenant could pull to release them to the lower levels. Gray took one look at the fire escapes on the floors beneath them, consumed in flames, downright melting, and tried not to cry with frustration. They'd made it this far and now there was no way out. Fire in every direction. Natsu was clawing at the window from his position on the metal, mumbling out, "Aniki," in a raspy voice over and over again. Older brother. Gray shut his eyes. Then he heard the sirens. Close. A line of red fire trucks turned onto the street and Gray strained his throat, yelling out desperately. _

 

_ "Help! Help us! Please!" _

 

_ Five men came with hoses, another three were unloading the ladder to reach them and Gray nearly sobbed with relief. He would have, had he not been so worried about Natsu, who was three shades paler than Gray had ever seen him. He pulled Natsu into his arms, Natsu who stood limply, eyes barely open a fraction of an inch, still mumbling Zeref's name as he cried. When the first man reached the top of the ladder, Gray didn't hesitate to hand Natsu into his arms first. His own legs were shaking and he knew he might pass out at any moment, but he wanted Natsu to be okay. Please, just be okay. _

 

_ When he saw that Natsu was being handed to a paramedic on the street, he allowed his body to collapse against the railing. He was breathing rapidly, and he distantly felt two strong arms wrapping around him, then he was on the ground, away from the fire, with a paramedic shining a light in his eyes and the sight of Natsu, now standing on shaky legs, fists clenched at his sides, eyes angry and glaring at him. _

 

_ "Why did you pull me away?" he demanded, voice loud and broken, cracking on the last syllables. Gray stared at him numbly. _

 

_ "I pull you back from the fire," he said simply. There was nothing else he could say. It was the only thing he could think of. It was what he knew as the truth. _

 

_ A moment passed and then a fist connected with his jaw and his head was hitting the pavement as medics rushed to catch both boys, one knocked over from the exertion, the other sporting a new bruise on his face. _

 

_ Gray felt a stinging rising in his eyes, hot and burning. A feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Tears. Natsu's voice rang out in the air again, raw and desolate. _

 

_ "You should have let me find Zeref!" The accusation felt like a stab in the pit of Gray's stomach, in his chest. His heart torn to shreds, leaving only ice in its wake. He ran out of words. The pulsing in his jaw hurt, but it would have paled in comparison to the thought of losing his best friend, of watching him burn. He had one thought that rang in his head with conviction. He raised his eyes to meet Natsu's, a cold sure gaze meeting a hot furious one. _

 

_ "I won't lose you to the fire," he said. The firemen were still trying to find other survivors. So far they'd been the only two to make it. There was no sign of Zeref, Ur, or Lyon and the fire was still raging on before them. A tear slid down Gray's cheek and he let his hair fall over his eyes as he stared at the ground, droplets of water falling to adorn the pavement. _

 

_ Natsu fell to his knees and broke into wracking sobs that shook his entire body and echoed far enough for everyone in the street to hear as they sent pitying glances at the two boys surrounded by medics and sirens. Two young lives destroyed by flames. _

 


	3. Five Minutes

Natsu turned away from Gray to prevent his own tears from falling. As long as he didn't look at him, he could keep the emotions from taking hold of him. Because Gray was all he had left, but he was also a reminder of everything he'd lost in the fire. A constant reminder of how, while Gray managed to save one person, Natsu hadn't been able to save anyone and Gray should have left him to die. He should have let the flames consume him because all Natsu ever did since then was bring him pain and he just wasn't worth Gray's concern. It wasn't like Gray actually cared about him. Natsu knew he just felt guilty because he'd chosen to run after him instead of stubbornly trying to save Lyon. He'd chosen Natsu over his blood and Natsu just wanted to go back in time and tell a younger Gray to abandon him because  _ Lyon  _ wouldn't have hurt him so much. Lyon would have never made Gray cry while Natsu couldn't seem to stop. He hated himself a little more every time it happened, every time he watched those eyes water in frustration and such overwhelming sadness that Natsu had to look away. Gray didn't deserve to be treated this way and Natsu wanted to change. To be worthy of him. He just didn't know how.  _ How do you tell someone you're hopelessly in love with him when you're the reason he lost everything? When you're not worth the tears he spills each time you turn away? _

 

He desperately needed a distraction, something else to think about that he could actually act on. As always, he chose the most dangerous option.

 

"We need to move," he said. Gray clenched his fists. He just wanted to stay underground and wait for the storm to pass. Natsu could never let things run their natural course.

 

"To  _ where?" _ Gray asked, voice tight with irritation. There was nowhere  _ to _ go. The options were take cover or  _ die. _ He stood, limbs shaking with the tremors that still passed through his system, arm shooting out to grab at Natsu's wrist as he growled out, "You are  _ not _ going into the fire. I won't let you."

 

Natsu snatched his wrist away from Gray's grip, face the picture of wrath, all sympathy gone from his gaze.

 

"You won't  _ let _ me? We're not kids anymore,  _ Gray. _ Try and stop me."

 

Gray gritted his teeth, all tremors gone in his outrage, a savage look flickering in his eyes. He would regret saying it. He knew he would. He said it anyway.

 

"Why are you trying so hard to die in the fire? Natsu, you have  _ nothing to prove!" _ he yelled out, trying to get him to see sense. To stop this because Gray couldn't let him go back to the surface, couldn't stand back and let him melt away.

 

"I'm trying to save lives!" Natsu screamed, voice travelling down the tunnels and echoing back three times as he turned toward Gray, hand reaching out to fist in his shirt.

 

"And I'm trying to save yours!" Gray yelled out, just as loud, just as furious, just as desperate to get his point across because they'd had this fight too many times and nothing he ever did or said worked and he was reaching the breaking point. Natsu was breathing raggedly and he broke eye contact, staring at his own fist that was buried in the fabric of Gray's clothing.

 

"Maybe," he intoned slowly, "You should stop trying to save me."

 

No other words ever made Gray feel so helpless. Powerless. Natsu was letting go of him, turning down the sewers and running in the direction of the fire, because while the tornado was moving fast and its wind was strong, it was still just far enough that if someone managed to put out the fire, something bloody impossible with the wind fanning at the flames and letting them spread exponentially, there was a tiny change that the city wouldn't burn. Gray clenched his fist at his sides, images of the fire on the television playing in his head mingling with the blaze from his nightmares. He felt his legs moving forward slowly, then picking up speed, carrying him after Natsu, because even as the memories made him lose the air in his lungs, he'd still choose Natsu. He'd always chosen Natsu, over his blood, over his own wish for death, and now over his sanity and survival. He would always choose Natsu. He would follow him straight into hell and withstand the fire, feel himself get ripped apart, if it meant he could pull Natsu back from the oblivion. He'd be fine losing anyone else. He  _ had _ eventually recovered when he lost everyone else. Everyone that wasn't Natsu. Every year he felt Natsu slipping away from him a little more and he'd become increasingly desperate to hold onto him, the person he'd loved since long before he knew what it was. Even if he could never tell him. Even if Natsu would never feel the same way.  _ How do you tell someone you've always loved him when he'll always hate you for protecting him? When all he wants to do is hurt you? _

 

He caught up with him, keeping up the pace as they headed straight for the flames. Natsu glanced at him from the corner of his eye. Gray pretended he didn't notice the skepticism in his face, pretended that the fear wasn't threatening to paralyze him with every step they took forward, running to what he thought was certain death. He couldn't hesitate. He couldn't let himself stay behind. Natsu would get himself killed if no one was there to hold him back.

 

They ran south, down a main channel for no longer than five minutes, but the air had become stifling, the water rising up in a toxic fog of steam. Gray gritted his teeth. They were under the fire.

 

Natsu jumped into the black water, no hesitation, covering himself. Gray jumped in after him.

 

"What the hell are you doing?" Natsu asked him, defensive, eyes wide with more than a small glimmer of anxiety.

 

"Using water to ward off the flames," Gray replied. Natsu shook his head rapidly.

 

"No. I'm going alone," he said, tone hard and final. Gray didn't care if they had to fight for this.

 

Gray climbed out of the water, heading for the nearest exit from the sewers, flames were all that was visible above.

 

"I'm not going to stop you," Gray told him, jaw clenching, arms vibrating with the force of his will to remain standing at the sight of the flames. "But you can't stop me either."

His hand grabbed onto the lowest rung to pull him up and Natsu shoved him back, hand latching onto his, gripping tight. An anchor that he hadn't felt in so long.

 

"I am a firefighter. I'm trained for this. You aren't." That was true. But at least Gray was a paramedic and was better at treating wounds. He'd lost track of how many times he'd had to treat Natsu because the man didn't look after himself properly, working himself until he dropped in their living room in his quest to 'save people.' For once, Gray wished he would try to save himself first.

 

"You're wasting time! You'll die out there without your gear," he bellowed out, voice shrill. Natsu winced, shut his eyes, leveled Gray with the look that Gray had never learned to say no to. Eyes watering and pained as he thought of a last resort.

 

"Five minutes," he said.

 

Gray stared at him.  _ Don't ask that of me. Not with that look. Don't you dare. _

 

"The tornado will touch down in about ten minutes," Natsu said, breathing deep, steeling himself for what he had yet to say, "So give me five minutes. If I'm not back by then…" his voice suddenly developed a pleading note and Gray braced himself for what he knew would hurt him, because it  _ always  _ ended up hurting him when Natsu's voice grew that desperate tone, "You get away from here."  _ I need you to be safe. _

 

Gray had been bluffing. He knew he wouldn't last one minute in the hell above. He'd just wanted Natsu to realize the fear he felt whenever the idiot jumped out, ready to save everyone even though he could die for it. When he acted as if he was  _ willing  _ to die for them. All Gray wanted was to protect him, to hold him and keep him safe and unharmed and  _ why can't you see that I need you? _ He bit down tears as he realized that Natsu wouldn't be turning away. Wouldn't see sense. He shook his head. He couldn't let him out there on his own.

 

"Gray, promise me." Natsu's voice was gentle, but urgent. They were running out of time. Gray knew that. He knew this was the last shot the city had and yet, he didn't even have a real plan. He just jumped head first into the fire with no regard for his own life. If he lost Natsu none of it would be worth it. It didn't help that Natsu's voice was soft, his expression caring in a way Gray hadn't seen since they were children on the rooftop of the building and Natsu had been afraid for Gray's life, had pulled him back from the edge. That seemed like forever ago. He hated that he only got to see it now when he might never see Natsu again. He knew Natsu cared about him in his own broken way, even if he'd never say it. He just couldn't bare that he would only show it when one of them was nearly dying.

 

Tears poured, hot and humid down his face, falling onto the concrete beneath them, like they had the first time he felt Natsu slipping out of his grasp. He could say no. He knew Natsu wouldn't listen. He could try to stop him, but Natsu wasn't a child anymore. He would only delay him and Natsu would rise up anyway, thinking he could defy nature by not getting swept up in the swirling flames even if the tornado did touch down. There wouldn't be getting through to him and Gray tried to push the flashes of tombstones and graves from his mind, ones he hadn't visited since the first time. He nodded. He would give Natsu five minutes. That didn't mean he would leave if Natsu failed to return. He'd plunge into the fire right after him. He'd follow him to the bitter end.

 

Natsu let out a shuddering breath, nodded in return. One last glance. An opening of his mouth as if he were going to say something. A moment where his mouth clamped shut and he looked away, thinking better of it. Gray wished he would say whatever he thought to say in those moments. They'd happened so many times over the years, him and Natsu in standing together after a fight that broke them both down, Natsu looking at him like he wanted to tell him something, anything, then remaining silent and walking away, leaving Gray on the brink of shattering with the pressure of withstanding the pain even as it rose around his neck trying to drown him in his own sorrow. He would drown in the pain with Natsu… But he would burn in agony without him and he knew that was much worse. Natsu disappeared up the hole, wet clothes clinging to his skin, into the black smoke above.

 

Gray ran his fingers through sweaty black locks. Started counting down the seconds, hardly daring to breathe without having Natsu in front of him, without seeing with his own eyes that he was alive and well. Sixty seconds in a minute. Three hundred seconds in five minutes.

 

There were times in people's lives where they had to wait five minutes. Wait five minutes for the food to be ready at the drive-through of a fast food place. Wait five minutes in line at the ATM machine. Wait five minutes for a friend to reply. Wait five minutes to warm up the car.

 

Gray would never regret waiting five minutes more in his life.

 


	4. Pretty Green Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback, again *smiles*

_ Gray couldn't wait to see the fireworks. Usually they stayed inside on the Fourth of July and Gray and Lyon huddled by the window, or sat on the edge of the fire escape, legs dangling from between the spaces in the railing as they tried to get a decent view through the surrounding buildings in the center of the city and failed. They didn't celebrate because it was the day after Ultear had died, the cancer finally weakening her immune system enough so that a fever had been her end, and Ur wasn't in anywhere near the mood she would need to be in for any festive atmosphere. But it had been a year since Zeref and Natsu had moved in across the hall and Ur couldn't say no when Natsu asked her to join them, green eyes wide and bright and his expression begging. Natsu had that effect on people. Ur had learned to deny Gray and Lyon things because they were a bit quieter and understood why she would say no in the first place, but Natsu was like a shining star, vibrant and energetic, stealing the attention of everyone in the room with ease by flashing a smile or widening his eyes. No one could muster up the willpower to say no to him, to dim that light when it dazzled them so effortlessly. _

 

_ That, and Gray was pretty sure that Ur had looked in his direction when Natsu asked her to celebrate with him and Zeref and to 'bring Gray and Lyon, but mostly Gray,' as if she was measuring how important this would be to him. He had nodded slightly, hoping Natsu wouldn't see it, and she had smiled at Natsu and said they would be there. Natsu had lit up and run to Gray, pulling him into a tight embrace that knocked them both to the carpeted floor and had Gray flushing because Ur was looking right at them and Lyon was laughing at his embarrassment in the corner, teasing him about having such a sweet moment with his 'boyfriend,' a taunt that caused Natsu to turn around and stick his tongue out at him. Gray's face had resembled a tomato for the rest of the afternoon with the shade of red he wore as Ur giggled whenever Natsu blatantly ignored the boundaries of personal space, grinning cluelessly. _

 

_ Most of the tenants watched the sky light up from the fire escapes, with a significant other or their children, and a few of them actually set tables and chairs on the street, leaving one lane open for cars to get through while they invited people from the entire block to eat food and have drinks. Neither Ur, nor Zeref were the level of sociable that would be required for hanging around so many people, Ur getting a bit anxious around crowds and Zeref outright ignoring anyone he deemed unnecessary to speak to. Zeref had spoken to the landlord, showed her his fake identification that said he was nineteen, not fifteen, and convinced the woman to lend him the keys to the rooftop for a night, so that his 'son,' Natsu, could enjoy the fireworks without being overwhelmed by the amount of people gathered below. Zeref could be incredibly persuasive, and the landlord was a nineteen year old girl named Mavis who had inherited the building from her parents and had developed a sort of crush on Natsu's brother. It wasn't very difficult for him to get her approval, although he did ask Ur why the landlord would offer to buy him dinner and Ur had laughed before taking in his deadpan expression and tentatively explaining what dating was because he genuinely had no clue. Gray still thought that a wide-eyed and stunned Zeref was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. _

 

_ When they got up to the roof, Natsu told Ur that he'd slipped out with the key because Zeref had been blushing as Mavis asked him a series of questions in the hall. He thought it was funny because Zeref never talked to people he didn't want to talk to so he 'totally knew he liked her.' Ur shook her head and told them not to open the rooftop door for anyone else and that she'd go get him. Lyon had waited about two seconds before chasing after her to avoid, 'the sappiness' of Natsu and Gray. _

 

_ Gray smiled awkwardly at Natsu, shrugging. Natsu took his hand and dragged him over to the the edge of the roof, face reaching just over the small brick wall that went around it as he stood on the tips of his toes, and pointed down at the street. _

 

_ "They're laying out their own fireworks!" he told Gray, voice practically shaking with excitement. Gray smiled softly as he stared at Natsu, not even glancing down at the people. Then he scowled at himself and looked away with a determined expression. Now was not the time to be distracted by weird thoughts of Natsu and girly mangas that Ur bought. _

 

_ Just then the first firework shot up into the sky and Gray openly stared. It started a trend, miniature explosions of bright colors, diverse and enchanting, small and large, in every direction that his eyes turned, painting the dark background of the sky, shining just as brightly as the stars they blocked out for only a moment before fading away into thin air in the blink of an eye. A flash of white. A flash of red. A flash of blue. All beautiful and breathtaking and high up above where he would have to grow wings to reach them. Angelic. And then a firework that flew up once, burning softly as it rose, then exploded in a shower of faded pink that Gray felt his heart pounding in response to. He climbed up on the ledge to get a better look, smiling. He turned to look at Natsu, but Natsu wasn't looking at the display. He was looking right at Gray, jaw dropped slightly and the look staggered Gray. _

 

_ Natsu had seen the first three fireworks. And then he'd turned grinning toward Gray and seen him, mouth slightly open, smile creeping onto his face as the lights danced reflections in dark midnight eyes, eyes as dark as the sky. He'd never seen Gray look so awed and captivated and it made his heart race, his eyes lock onto the view forgetting all about the fireworks and the sky and the people below. This. This was the view that mattered. Then Gray was standing on the ledge to get a better view of the lights above, turning back to glance at Natsu and losing his balance. Natsu shot out tan fingers to grip a pale hand, snatching his arm back against him, causing the both to fall towards the center of the rooftop, Gray landing with his head against Natsu's chest. _

 

_ Gray's eyes were wide and startled, by the near fall, by the way Natsu had jolted forward to save him, but most of all, he was shaken by the look he'd seen on Natsu's face before he lost his balance. Natsu had a look on his face, parted lips, wide shining eyes that became nearly translucent with the reflections of the fireworks, as if he'd never witnessed anything quite so beautiful. Except he hadn't been looking at the fireworks. He'd been staring directly at Gray and that was something Gray didn't know how to react to. It was better to think he'd been hallucinating, but then he'd have to accept that having Natsu look at him that way was something he actually wanted to happen and he was much too stubborn to accept that. _

 

_ Natsu's arms wrapped around his shoulders tightly, and Gray felt tiny convulsions wracking the chest beneath him. He moved slightly in Natsu's hold, head moving up to get a look at light green eyes and messy pink locks, but Natsu gripped him tighter, one hand rising up to the back of his head, shuddering breaths against his ear. Gray quit struggling and just lay there in his arms, safe and warm as he smelled the scent of cinnamon, smoke, and fresh-baked cookies, a scent that made him smile at the thought of Natsu getting Zeref to bake in the apartment in the middle of summer. _

 

_ He didn't get much of a chance to enjoy the comforting smell because Natsu finally let him go and Gray raised his eyes and felt his heart constricting at the sight of tears escaping wide green eyes that looked entirely too terrified, much too angry even through the wetness. _

 

_ "That was stupid, Gray!" Natsu cried out, muffled as his throat tightened. He clenched little fists at his sides and yelled at Gray, "You're so lucky I was here to pull you back from the edge!" He paused, a new wave of tears spilling over as he mumbled out, "You could've… could've-." Natsu's voice cut off and he covered his eyes with an arm, not wanting Gray to see how shaken he was, wanting Gray to see him as brave because Gray was always brave, with the fires he pulled Natsu back from and standing on the ledges of rooftops even if that seemed like a very very stupid idea to Natsu now. _

 

_ Gray tried to think of something to say, but he couldn't come up with anything. It had been stupid. It had been reckless. He could have fallen to his death if Natsu hadn't been there with him and Gray felt tears rising in his eyes to mirror Natsu's as he took in his best friend's trembling. He knew it wasn't because Natsu was cold. Natsu never got cold. He was shaking with fear at the idea of Gray dying and Gray had never felt so guilty for making someone worry about him before. Not even Ur crying had made him so emotional so quickly. _

 

_ He opened up his arms and wrapped Natsu in a hug that let him feel every quiver in small tan limbs and he hurried to try and reassure him. Gray found his voice a moment later. _

 

_ "I'm okay, Natsu," he whispered. He was okay. Safe. Because Natsu reached out for him. Natsu encircled his arms around Gray's waist, tight, secure, leaving no space in between them. He breathed in deep, shuddering through the last haze of his tears, taking in the calming scent of gingerbread and pine trees and honey that he'd come to always recognize as Gray in the past year. _

 

_ "You got me," Gray said softly as he felt Natsu's chest rising with less speed and convulsions beneath him, felt the heart that beat so closely by his in that moment slowing down. He continued soothingly, "I'm okay. Look at me, I'm okay, I promise." He pulled back and looked at a much calmer Natsu whose eyes were tinted pink in the white area and smiled a tiny smile in his direction. _

 

_ Natsu sniffed once, small hands rising up to clear away his eyes and to wipe at his face, cheeks pink in a rare fit of shyness that had Gray scrambling to clear away the slightly awkward atmosphere that was threatening to fall around them. _

 

_ He nudged Natsu. Natsu looked up at him and Gray grinned smugly. Natsu drew eyebrows together in confusion. "What?" he asked, tone the tiniest bit apprehensive. _

 

_ Gray smiled, "I pull you back from the fire, you pull me back from the edge." _

 

_ Natsu blinked once and then his eyes widened in recognition of their phrase and the fact that he had done something for Gray now too. He laughed shakily, but it grew louder and Gray started laughing softly too and by the time Ur managed to drag an awed Zeref away from Mavis and up to the roof with Lyon leading the way, Gray and Natsu were both smiling widely and trying to use the cameras that Ur left in her purse to compete over who could take the best picture of the best firework and then arguing over what made the best firework the best one. _

 

_ When Ur tucked Gray into bed she asked him if he'd had fun with Natsu. Gray smiled sleepily, telling her that he always had fun with Natsu, murmuring something about 'pretty green eyes' and being 'pulled back from the edge' as Ur quietly slipped out of the room. _


	5. Blackness

… 297… Gray clenched his fists and staved off his panic… 298… He bit his lip and told himself he shouldn't cry yet… 299… It was Natsu, he had practically lived his life in fire. He would be fine… 300.

 

His heart sunk in his chest. He jumped back into the water and raced up the rungs on the ladder, small pieces of the skin of his palms peeling and staying behind on the final few rungs that were far too hot for human touch. He gritted his teeth and didn't let it stop him. Natsu. Natsu hadn't returned. He'd asked for five minutes. Five minutes passed by and he wasn't back beneath the fire. He'd told Gray to leave on his own if he didn't make it back. Gray desperately wanted to leave because he hated the flames, he hated the smoke, he hated the heat and yet, he wanted one thing more than he wanted to leave the fire. Natsu. Natsu was all that mattered. All that ever would matter.

 

He pulled himself onto the heated concrete above, coughing at once as he tried to see through the smoke. He went down to his knees and hands, the cement of the street burning at his skin, but he knew he'd die of smoke inhalation if he tried to stand. The smoke rose and he had to remain grounded. He turned everywhere he could think of. He didn't have much time left, the wind was picking up and he could see that the flames were climbing further and further out into the air around. His eyes watered and looked around sporadically for a flash of pink hair, a strand of white around a tan neck, anything recognizable and about a block away, in the middle of the street, he saw something that had him scrambling toward it.

 

Natsu was lain across the pavement, one arm in front of another, one leg bent at the knee as if he'd been trying to crawl toward a building, his scarf wrapped haphazardly over the lower half of his face as if too late he'd realized that he needed to protect himself because that was how reckless he was, always thinking about other people before he spared a thought for himself and jumping into the fire making Gray feel the need to stay up until the early hours of morning when Natsu came home, not being able to sleep without making sure with his own eyes that Natsu was safe and unharmed. The unharmed almost never happened. Which was why Gray had become a paramedic in the first place. He'd been so relieved when they were kids and he'd seen the paramedics taking Natsu into their care that he wanted to make sure he could give that same feeling of relief to other people. He also wanted to make sure that when he forcefully pulled Natsu into the bathroom after each time he came home to treat his wounds, that he was doing a good job, keeping Natsu in one piece. A little damaged, but never destroyed.

 

He threw every bit of energy and strength he had into getting himself across the pavement, toward Natsu, fast enough to keep himself from inhaling too much smoke, and he pulled Natsu's head into his lap, fingers pressing against his neck to feel for a pulse. It was there, but just barely, his heart beating slowly and Gray turned his head toward the sewer entrance. It was too far away. The wind was blowing the flames so high and he couldn't see anything if he looked more than two feet above the ground. Natsu had been out here for seven minutes now. Ten minutes of this level of smoke could kill anyone and Gray needed to get them away from the smoke quickly. He took off his shirt and tore it in half, tying one wet piece around Natsu's face, covering the lower half and pulling the scarf down, tying the other around his own face, and he pulled Natsu close against him, running blindly in the direction Natsu's body had been pointed towards. He would trust Natsu's judgement. He'd been the one to go through the training. If he thought that direction was his best bet for survival then it probably was. At least, Gray hoped so, because if Natsu was wrong then they would both die here in the black clouds, the wind beating at their sides.

 

The inability to see his surroundings caused him to trip over the edge of an entrance to some kind of building. The smoke didn't let him see anything but he crawled and dragged Natsu with him and the sight of orange in the blackness swirling in the air made him struggle to drag them both forward away from the flames. He looked down under the billowing smoke and saw a depression. He knew what Natsu had been thinking now. The things around them keeping the fire alive were cars, windows exploded and doors melted shut. The underground levels of a parking structure would remain standing under the pressure of a tornado, and the fire wouldn't spread down, because flames climbed up and didn't burn through concrete easily. He tugged at Natsu, keeping both their heads below the level of black air until he reached the edge of the depression. He took one moment to remove the soaked piece of his shirt from his own face and wrapped it around Natsu's head to protect him and then he shoved Natsu down the depression with as much strength as he could, watching as Natsu's unconscious body rolled down into a safer kind of darkness. Without the small defense of the wet rag to cover himself, the smell of smoke assaulted Gray's nostrils and he found himself coughing heavily and falling forward, rolling dazedly halfway down the depression, crawling down the rest of the way. He had scrapes all along his arms and sides from the scuffle with the concrete but all he was worried about was getting to Natsu.

 

He needed to make sure the man was still breathing. Gray had been exposed to the smoke for maybe four minutes, which was dangerous enough, but Natsu had been exposed now for around eleven and while Gray might have slowed down some of that exposure, he knew Natsu's health could be in a critical state of deterioration.

 

He hooked his arms under Natsu's and forced himself up on shaky legs away from the exposed space where concrete from above and debris could rain down on them and to the farthest corner away from that area. He checked Natsu's pulse again. Still slow. He could feel the hot tears rising from the depths of his eyes but he forced himself to remain composed. Natsu's life depended on his own actions now. He got to work.

 

Gray first made sure to get some oxygen into Natsu's lungs. He knew his own weren't completely clear, but they were in a better state and he could afford a small loss of oxygen for Natsu. He ran into the fire for him, walked blindly through the clouds of black. He would die for him, no hesitation. He leaned over Natsu, pressed two fingers on either side of his nose to keep the air from escaping, brought his lips to meet pink ones, and breathed out a slow steady stream. He pulled back, breathed in, repeated the motion. One more time. He pulled away, tears slipping out despite his best efforts to repress them. Natsu's pulse remained exactly the same, but it hadn't slowed any further and that gave him hope. Losing Natsu would destroy him because even if his feelings would never be returned, Natsu was still all he had left and he was the reason Gray got out of bed in the morning. He was the reason Gray hadn't slit his wrist years earlier. Gray didn't think he could hold on without him.

 

He stood and removed his pants, stripping the fabric of one pant leg to wrap around his fist, walked over to the nearest car and flung all the force he could into the window, glass shattering and the car alarm screaming, echoing in the large space. He unlocked the door from the inside and removed the headrest from the front seat and ran to Natsu, placing it under his head to elevate it slightly and ease the pressure on his airway. The easier it was for him to get air into his lungs, the better. He ran back to the car, looking for two more basic items for treatment and, finding nothing, left that car and went to the next one, frantically searching the glove boxes and using a gun he found in one compartment to shoot open the trunks of some of the cars that required a key. He searched five cars before he found everything he needed, at which point he rushed back to Natsu's side.

 

He put the inhaler into Natsu's mouth, tilting his head up so that the Albuterol solution could relax the air passages and get oxygen into his lungs faster. He pressed down twice before it had the effect he was praying for and Natsu's eyes shot open and he started coughing heavily. Gray picked up one of the many napkins on the ground and put it up to Natsu's lips, cradling his head as the coughing continued. When he looked at the color of the hacked up mucus on the Napkin, the color was black and Gray almost sagged in relief. He didn't let it distract him, but the fact that it wasn't red, that Natsu wasn't coughing up blood had him openly weeping as he went on with the process. He pulled up Natsu from behind, letting his torso rest against his own thighs as he sat back, knees against the floor. His legs were better elevation for Natsu's head and lungs anyway.

 

He made Natsu breathe in through the inhaler three more times before he felt himself start coughing and Natsu raised a shaky arm to shove the inhaler up at his face. Gray inhaled once and gave Natsu a teary smile. Natsu's chest was rising in quick motions as he grew accustomed to air again and Gray wiped at his own eyes. He opened up the water bottle he'd gotten from the last car along with a bottle of amoxicillin and took out two pills, crushing them against the pavement. He didn't have any cleaner options and they'd allowed much worse substances into their systems within the last hour, getting the antibiotics into their bloodstreams was more important right now. He brought the powder to the rim of the water bottle and poured it in, shaking it, and then bringing it to Natsu's lips, placing his hand on the underside of his jaw to tilt his head up and make swallowing down the liquid easier. He made him drink two thirds of the water, saving a third of it for himself so that he could take care of Natsu without dying from an infection. He kept himself alive this long to keep Natsu from dying and he would keep doing so until he hadn't any strength left.

 

Just as he finished the water and tossed the bottle aside, a violent tremor shook the building. Gray curled himself over Natsu protectively, arms over his chest, his own body completely exposed. Cars in the underground lot were swinging across the room, crashing into the wall, and Gray held Natsu close against him, trying to keep away from the nearest cars as glass flew around the room. The tremors grew in intensity, the concrete lot rocking back and forth with the vibrations, the sound of a threatening roar blocking out everything above, the wind wild even beneath the surface and Natsu kept looking up into his eyes with a terrified expression, lips moving but no sound other than hoarse whimpers escaping, and then no sound at all as the noise of the storm raged in their ears. Gray pushed the inhaler against Natsu's lips one last time, pressing down and making sure he could breathe, fingers against his neck feeling as his pulse sped up slightly and then the entire structure shook, the cars jolted up against the ceiling, Gray felt himself and Natsu being propelled up and forward straight into thick walls of concrete, one arm wrapped under Natsu's and around his chest over his heart, the other sheltering his head from the potential blow.

 

Gray's head slammed headfirst into their destination without any protection. The sound of the impact was lost in the sound of all the destruction.

 

Blackness.

 


	6. Against Each Other, Against The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this flashback is going to hurt.

_ The funeral happened two weeks later. It had taken a week to identify all of the charred remains in the building since the faces were all beyond recognizable. The police said it was an arsonist that struck every few years. They hadn't been able to find the man so far, but there'd never been any survivors before either, so people were plastering the faces of the boys on the news as symbols of hope. Neither of them felt hopeful. _

 

_ The state had appointed a lawyer to help them use the last of Zeref and Ur's savings for the funeral costs as they settled into the orphanage. Their notoriety on the new stations caused several people to go to the orphanage and try to adopt either of them, but Natsu wouldn't speak to any of them and when he did say words, they were simply, 'I don't want any of you. You'll never be Zeref.' When one couple hadn't been deterred so easily, Natsu spit on the woman's shoe and the couple had left, angrily stomping away. Gray had appointments with couples that wanted to adopt him, but he made it a point to explain to them just how cruel it was to butt into his life after he'd just lost his family, to try to replace them so soon and he said that if they wanted him, they would have to want Natsu too. They were a package deal and if they tried to separate him from Natsu, he would run back to the orphanage as many times as he had to for them to give up on him. Only one of those couples had tried to get through to Natsu and that had ended with Natsu taking off his shoe and throwing it at the man's head. _

 

_ Gray stood in front of Ur's grave. He'd already stood in front of Lyon's and told him over and over that he'd tried to get to him, that he'd tried so hard and he couldn't save him and then… then Natsu had tried to go after Zeref and he couldn't let him burn. The one thing he hadn't said was that he was sorry… because as much as he hated himself for being too weak to force the door open and get to Lyon… he wasn't sorry for pulling Natsu back from that hallway. _

 

_ He placed the white roses gently over Ur's grave, leaning down slightly to kiss the edge of the headstone. If she had stayed behind and not gone to look for the landlord, she would have been able to pry the door open. She would have been able to get to Lyon. She would have been able to save him. She would have been able to do all of the things Gray couldn't because she was strong and older and he was so small and weak. He told Ur about everything, not even needing to cry because he'd already cried what he thought were the last of his tears when the police and the firemen reported no other survivors. He'd already been crying when Natsu punched him for real for the first time. His tears had run out. He told her about why Natsu had come back, how grateful he was to Zeref for sending Natsu over and unknowingly saving his life, how he'd tried to save Lyon when he saw the smoke coming from under the door. He told her how Natsu had tried to go back for Zeref, how the flames ate away at everything in the apartment, how he thought they were going to die out on that fire escape, how he needed to make sure that Natsu was safe before he could let himself fall. He told Ur, in a toneless voice, "I think he hates me." He glanced over at Natsu, who was about nine graves down the row, kneeling before Zeref's grave, balled up fists and no tears. "But it's okay because… he's safe." His voice only gained a hint of emotion on the last two words. The sound of solace. A small comfort in a time of distress. _

 

_ He traced the letters of Ur's name on the headstone with his fingers, before breathing in deeply, closing his eyes, and standing, looking over toward Natsu and heading his way. He was grieving, but Natsu had already lost his dad and now he had lost Zeref just as he'd been getting over the last loss. Gray didn't want him to be alone. When he reached Zeref's grave, Natsu had his forehead resting against the headstone, knees on the floor, fists on the ground, eyes shut and his breathing slow and steady. Gray watched in silence for a moment. Natsu was a very tactile person, so whenever Zeref seemed upset with him, Natsu sat by his side on the couch and rested his forehead against Zeref's shoulder until Zeref would sigh and give in, putting his arm around him. Natsu mimicking the scene with the headstone tugged at something fragile in Gray's chest. He reached out, placing his hand on Natsu's shoulder. _

 

_ Natsu froze for one second before roughly shoving his hand off and turning to glare at him, eyes tinged red in the white but not releasing the tears out of sheer will. Natsu's hands grew white with how tightly he fisted them. _

 

_ "I don't want you to touch me," he snarled out. He shut his eyes. "I don't want to look at you." He turned back to the headstone, fingers lingering on the engraved name. "I just want to be with Zeref," he whispered, not crying and still managing to sound just as broken as if he had been sobbing for hours on end. Natsu knew he was being cruel, he knew it. He just couldn't help it. Gray was a living reminder of how he'd failed to save anyone at all. Zeref had been his only family, his last living connection to Igneel, and now he was also gone and Natsu didn't know how he was supposed to stand without him. Zeref had picked him up when he was weak, had taught him to stand back up when he fell, had tucked him into bed every night and read him stories even before Igneel was gone because Igneel would get called in when fires broke out in the middle of the night. Zeref had been the person he could always rely on, his home. Every time Natsu looked at Gray within the last two weeks, he was reminded of Zeref's face, of one of the charred bodies that were pulled from the building, exposed before anyone had enough sense to cover it with a sheet. It hurt to look at Gray. _

 

_ Gray took a step back, his hand retreating into his pocket, a sharp exhale escaping before he could stop it, a tear slipping down his cheek before he could hold it back. Turned out he still had tears left after all. Natsu heard the breath Gray let out. His eyes slid open and he turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder at the single tear trailing down over white skin, at the hair that Gray let fall over his face, at the fact that he wasn't turning away from Natsu even when Natsu gave him the cold shoulder. He gritted his teeth, his jaw tense, eyes clamped shut. He wouldn't let himself cry. He hadn't let himself cry for Igneel, putting on a brave face for Zeref. He hadn't let himself cry after the one break down right after the fire. He hadn't allowed himself to cry at Zeref's grave, because Zeref had only cried once as far as Natsu knew and he wanted to prove to his brother that he could be strong too. He hadn't been able to save him, but he would be strong from now on. He couldn't let himself collapse under the pain… not even for Gray. Not even if Gray's pain hurt him more than his own. _

 

_ When they were finally taken back to the orphanage, it was time for dinner. Natsu sat next to Gray. Even if they barely said a word to each other now and Natsu wouldn't touch him or hug him like he used to, the message was still clear. 'You and me against each other; you and me against the world.' _

 

_ Dinner was interrupted by a knock on the front entrance. A man in a suit standing beside a little girl with dark blue hair. The director of the orphanage discussed details with the man in the white suit, addressing him as 'Doranbolt' and sending the little girl, 'Wendy,' to sit with the others, telling her that he'd show her to her room after the meal was over. The girl looked to be about four or five years old, and she was sniffling quietly as she sat down across from Natsu, staring at the table without reaching for any of the food. _

 

_ "What are you here for?" Natsu asked her. Natsu wasn't the same sweet kid he'd been just a few weeks earlier, but he hadn't gained any tact. The girl looked up, startled, and a few tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. _

 

_ "Grandine was… taken to the nurse place," she mumbled, biting her lip at the end of the sentence. Gray's eyes softened a bit. Her guardian had been placed in a nursing home and she was here because no one else could watch her. _

 

_ Natsu's eyes didn't soften. They grew harder. "So she's alive?" he asked the girl. _

_ She nodded silently and Natsu's grip on his fork bent it slightly. "Quit your crying then. Nobody died on you," he bit out angrily. Gray turned to stare at him, mouth dropped open, shock written all over his face. The girl wiped at her eyes and bit her lip harder as more tears poured out. _

 

_ "What?" Natsu bit out, "At least her family is alive. She should be grateful instead of crying like a little bi-" _

 

_ He didn't get to finish his sentence because Gray's fist swung into the side of his face and he found himself punching him back, their hits quickly escalating into a fight that had two of the staff members rushing to pull them apart. Gray still looked furious and Natsu didn't know how to fix it. He had always known how to fix it and now all that instinct had faded away, burned to ash with the fire. _

 

_ "What do you want from me?" Natsu screamed out at Gray, his arms held back behind him. All of the other kids stared at them, but neither of them noticed anything but the other, held back by people stronger than them as they struggled to get out of their grasps. 'You and me against each other; you and me against the world.' _

 

_ Gray screamed his response back at Natsu, "Igneel could be alive, but you still miss him! Just because her family is alive doesn't mean she's not alone like the rest of us! You don't get to be an asshole just because you made it out of the fire!" _

 

_ With that blow, Natsu's eyes shut and he turned to Wendy, not looking her in the eyes. "I'm sorry," he grumbled out, letting the staff pull him outside to calm down. Gray stayed for a moment, staring frustratedly at the wooden floorboards before he went slack in the stranger's hold. _

 

_ The man took Gray to his room and told him that Makarov would discuss the incident in the morning with both of them. That wouldn't help. Gray knew that. This wasn't a small fight that would just go away. People had died. Unless his highness Makarov could go back in time and save them, this would be the way things would be from now on. It was stupid to call an orphanage 'Fairy Tail' as if it could be a happy place, not to mention the fact that they'd spelled 'tale' wrong. He shook his head, stared at the back of his hand. It hurt, the back of his knuckles aching weakly where he'd used force to punch Natsu for the first real time in his life. It hurt to hurt Natsu. He waited, sitting on the edge of his bed. They had arrived at the orphanage on the same night and were, therefore, given the same room to share. As soon as the staff deemed Natsu calm enough, he'd be right back in this room with the cause of his anger. _

 

_ Gray looked up when the door slid open. Natsu didn't look his way. He went straight for his bed, and Gray didn't know what to say. He wanted to apologize, but he didn't know what to apologize for. Natsu had deserved that hit. He couldn't let him insult that girl. Everyone had their own losses. The news and the enthusiastic couples had been insensitive to their suffering and Natsu had been just as insensitive to Wendy. Natsu, the Natsu Gray knew, wasn't like that. _

 

_ Natsu sat on the edge of his own bed, across from Gray, only a foot of space in between their feet. He didn't look up, just stared down at Gray's shoes from beneath pink locks of hair. _

 

_ He asked quietly, "Whose fault is it that I made it out of the fire, Gray?" _

 

_ Gray didn't answer. Couldn't say anything. _

 

_ "Yours," Natsu growled out, face tilting up, eyes narrowed and angry, "Your fault. I would have found Zeref or died trying." _

 

_ Gray met his gaze unflinchingly. "Exactly," he said, not a trace of unsurety in his voice, "You would have died trying. I pulled you back and I would do it again." _

 

_ Natsu closed his eyes tightly and turned away, crawling under the covers, back turned toward Gray. He waited in silence for a long time. He waited until he thought Gray was asleep. Then he turned to look at him. Gray was turned toward the wall, shoulders hidden under the blankets. _

 

_ He whispered, "I wish you hadn't stopped me." _

 

_ He wished he hadn't said it out loud a few moments later when he saw Gray's shoulders shaking beneath the thin fabric, when he heard a quiet sniffle. He'd made Gray cry no less than three times now, but Natsu knew already that it would always feel like this, like being stabbed in the chest every single time he knew he was the reason for Gray's pain. _

 

_ Gray did his best not to make any further sounds. When he heard a snore, he quietly slipped out of bed, careful to avoid creaky floorboards. He slipped through the halls of the six story orphanage, careful to not wake any of the staff members and hoped the rooftop would be open. It wasn't, but a small empty room on the last floor had a little balcony with a concrete ledge. He climbed up onto it, sitting on the ledge and letting his legs dangle over the side. He wiped at his eyes, trying to clear away some of the wetness. _

 

_ He stared out at the buildings in the distance, the ones at the heart of the city. They were the buildings closer to their old apartment complex, the last places he'd gone to with Ur and Lyon. _

 

_ "Hey, Ur," he spoke quietly into the air, into the distance. He gripped the necklace the police had given him, the only thing they'd managed to save from the wreckage. "I miss you," he said. He bit his lip, looked down at the sidewalk six floors below. "I could see you again," he said, his fingers tightening around the cross as he turned to look up at the stars. "It could be that simple," he whispered. And still he couldn't make himself do it. He couldn't jump. He probably wouldn't survive, but Ur's father had once fallen and ended up in a wheelchair. Gray didn't want to take that chance. Natsu hated him already, and even if Natsu wasn't as compassionate as he had been before the fire, Gray knew him. He would stick with Gray because he had no one else left. Gray didn't want to be a burden to him. Gray slipped back over the ledge, heading down to the kitchen, sliding open different drawers until he found a thin blade. _

 

_ He pressed it against his skin, not enough to cut. Just enough to feel it against his racing pulse. _

 

_ "Come on," he told himself quietly, "He hates you anyway… and this way… this way you can see Ur again…." Words from earlier in the day came into his mind and he paused. _

 

"I just want to be with Zeref."

 

_ Gray shakily placed the knife back into its drawer, tears slipping out silently. What if Natsu was thinking something similar? What if he thought 'it could be that simple?' He couldn't… he wouldn't abandon Natsu. No one else knew just how much Zeref meant to Natsu. No one else understood. No one else would run toward a wall of fire to pull him back and keep him safe. No one… cared about him… the way that Gray did. _

 

_ He leaned against the counter until he felt himself stop shaking. Then he headed back to their room, slipping under the blanket silently. He was startled when he heard Natsu's voice in the quiet. _

 

_ "Gray?" he asked. He wasn't turned toward him. He was facing the wall, the window in between their beds let the moonlight softly glide over pastel pink locks. _

 

_ "Y-yeah?" Gray asked, trying to mask the hurt in his voice and failing miserably. _

 

_ Natsu took a long time to answer, long enough for Gray to wonder if he'd fallen asleep, long enough for him to think he'd imagined the brief exchange of words entirely. When the tan boy did speak, the words made Gray cry for an entirely different reason, the feelings of exposure and relief warring inside of him. _

 

_ "I don't hate you." _

 

_ It was quiet. It was short. _

 

_ It was all Gray needed to know. 'You and me against each other; you and me against the world.' _


	7. Three Days

Natsu felt the arms around him slackening, he felt the tight grip slipping away and he shot a hand out toward Gray desperately, his hands gripping a pale thigh as they hurled through the air. He heard the piercing scratch of metal against the ceiling and then everything was crashing down and Natsu felt his feet his the ground for one split second before he was running and launching Gray away from him. Natsu flung himself down over Gray and what could only be described as the carcass of a vehicle landed a mere two inches from them. 

 

He was so stupid, so so stupid. Gray and him both. They were foolish. Natsu had thought a fire that sixe must have started because of a gas leak. If he could just find the source and cut it off, it would minimize the spread of the flames to the direction the storm carried it instead of outward in every direction. It could save more people. He’d left Gray behind for that chance and he would have died out there. And Gray walked into the smoke for him, he walked toward the fire because he couldn’t let Natsu die and Natsu was always making Gray do things he didn’t want to. 

 

Now he could feel the ground moving beneath them, the structure shaking and their bodies being thrown in the air and he clutched Gray’s ankle with all of his strengths because he couldn’t lose him. He was so in love with Gray it hurt. He kept trying to push Gray away to keep him safe and Gray kept stubbornly holding on and now he was bleeding and his lungs hadn’t been much better than Natsu’s and the air around them was so hot it was stifling and Natsu just wanted them to fall back down to earth so he could make sure Gray was still breathing. If Gray wasn’t alive, Natsu didn’t have a reason to try. He wouldn’t have a reason to  _ exist. _ Gray was everything he had, everything he needed and he would die for him, he would die in his place if given the option. He wouldn’t hesitate. 

 

Gray’s eyes were shut and Natsu shot a hand out to his wrist, climbing forward on Gray’s body mid-air, hoping with all of his being that he would feel something. It was slow. I was hard to feel, but Natsu pressed deep and a slow, steady thudding pulsed against his fingertips and he let out a sharp breath of relief that got lost in the sound of the storm and sucked the air out of his lungs. 

 

Natsu didn’t worry about himself. He gripped Gray tightly and wrapped his limbs around his unconscious roommate, one calf behind his spine so that it couldn’t take the impact of a hit, so that it wouldn’t be his fault if Gray was paralyzed because Natsu knew he would never forgive himself if he let that happen. He wrapped both arms around a pale neck, shielding the top of his spine and his head. He kept Gray’s chest right against his own, not letting anything his his heart. Natsu felt something sharp pierce his shoulder. He felt but didn’t hear the scream that ripped from his throat. He saw the droplets of red floating in the air for a brief three seconds, as if they couldn’t decide which direction to fall in, before they shot to the ceiling. 

 

Everything was moving too fast and he had no more than a second of warning each time something hard slammed into his side or cut open a fresh wound on his shoulder blade. He didn’t see what objects marred his arms in bruises. He didn’t know what caused the blistering feeling along his legs. He wasn’t aware of what kept ripping blood from him each time the air knocked it back toward him. He didn’t know what his screams sounded like. He didn’t move. He kept himself locked around Gray, limbs frozen in their protective position no matter how many times they fell, no matter what stabbing pains Natsu felt along his legs, no matter how much everything hurt. It felt like forever before the wind grew weaker. It had probably been maybe ten minutes as the tornado passed over the structure. It felt like an eternity. There was one final lurch and Natsu had a brief second to curse the irony of his own blood marking the point of impact as they crashed into the ceiling and flew right back down with gravity, a sickening broken sound ringing out in the lot and the feeling of fire rushing through his left arm. 

 

The sound of his own scream was foreign to him, escaping through gritted teeth and still, he didn’t allow himself to stop and consider it. The moment the ground felt steady beneath him, he looked up at the parking exit, the area blocked by a thick cloud of black smoke that rose upward. He knew the fire would be burning stronger now. He would have worried about running out of oxygen if he didn’t know that the government required enclosed parking structures to have filtered ventilation shafts. They would have air to breathe. He just needed to keep Gray alive to breathe it. 

 

He was fucking terrified because he didn’t know how to do that. He wasn’t a doctor. He only knew the basics because of the way Gray took care of him. He hated himself all the more for fighting Gray every step of the way. He’d just wanted Gray to be happy and not worry about him so much because he simply wasn’t worth it and Gray still went the extra mile for him and now he was bleeding from the left side of his head in a parking lot and Natsu didn’t know how to save him. He’d never been able to save anyone that mattered to him. Things never changed. 

 

He forced himself to carry Gray, cradling his head in the crook of his neck even as he held him up against his own body with one arm. He knew he wasn’t supposed to move him, but he didn’t have a choice. He picked him up on shaking limbs and headed to one of the busted up cars beside them. There was one that was missing all four doors and Natsu picked it for its easy access. He couldn’t see a way to pick Gray up and pry open a busted up car door at the same time. He gently laid Gray on the back seat, reclining the seat a little so that Gray was lying back back still had his head elevated. He didn’t touch the head wound, He knew his fingers weren’t clean at this point and he couldn’t risk causing Gray an infection. He ran over to the car’s glove box and nearly collapse with the force of the relief he felt as he found a small white handkerchief inside. He had to search two more cars before he found duct tape and a first aid kit, but he ran straight back to Gray, ignoring the tremors in his legs that signalled his weakened health. He would keep Gray alive even if he killed himself trying. 

 

He stepped inside the car, looming over Gray. He ripped open a small square of rubbing alcohol with his teeth and pressed lightly against Gray’s scalp. It was still bleeding, but the blood flow was slowing. He hoped that was a good sign. He inspected the wound. He could see the pink of scraped flesh and red clotting, but the skull wasn’t visible and for that, Natsu was more grateful than he could put into words, a weight rolling off of his shoulders. He didn’t for a second think that he was in the clear, but he felt like the fog was thinning and that was a step forward. 

 

He ignored his left arm as it hung awkwardly at his side, the pain throbbing all the way up to his shoulder, and he peeled back the duct take between his teeth, using his right hand to wrap the gauze tightly around Gray’s wound, just over his forehead so that he could still see, and then he wrapped the duct tape over that to hold it in place. He wiped away as much blood as he could with the handkerchief, not wanting to waste rubbing alcohol on removing blood stains from skin when he might need it if Gray got any further wounds. 

 

Natsu just wanted Gray to wake up. Looking into gray’s eyes gave him the strength to fight, whether it was against Gray or against fires, or against the entire world. Gray was his whole life. Natsu didn’t know how to be without him. He’d always known that. It was the reason he’d still pulled Gray back from the edge long after the fire. He didn’t want to know what life was like without him. He just never said it out loud, because then Gray wouldn’t take care of him the same way, and he would leave and Natsu would lose him because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and their entire friendship was already as fragile as either of them could handle. Because Gray saw Natsu as the family he’d chosen to save over his own blood and Natsu knew there would be no changing that because Gray didn’t love him. Not the way he loved Gray. He never would. 

 

Natsu tried to think of a way to get Gray to a hospital, but he took one look at the cloud of blackness on the upper floors and knew that wouldn’t be happening any time soon. The wind had strengthened the flames, and while Natsu could hear the tornado thundering in the distance, he didn’t know whether it would stay its course or switch back around at any moment. He didn’t know if the nightmare was over. Hell, even if the wind remained the way it was, the fire had already grown. No hospitals would be open unless they were many miles away in another city. The hospitals in their own city were probably crumbling away by the minute. He didn’t know how to get medical help, especially when they were surrounded by flames and no sane person would come for them even if he did manage to call for help. 

 

He looked into Gray’s face anxiously, and then he remembered something Gray had brought up to him maybe four days earlier. 

 

_ “The news says it’s going to rain in week,” Gray said.  _

 

_ Natsu sighed tiredly. He knew where this was going. “I’m still going to work.”  _

 

_ White fists went paler than their usual shade with the strain of how tightly Gray held his fists at his sides. “There aren’t even going to be any fires,” Gray argued.  _

 

_ “There could be a fire during a moment when the rain stops,” came the quick response.  _

 

_ There was a long, deafening silence. Then Gray spoke, knowing he would regret the words as soon as he said them, but doing so anyway because he couldn’t take it anymore. Not after Natsu had come in all bloody and bruised up four days earlier and said that a wound on his abdomen that required twelve stitches was just a scratch. Gray couldn’t sit there and watch Natsu destroy himself.  _

 

_ “Do you really think Zeref would have wanted you to die like Igneel?”  _

 

_ Natsu looked stricken for a moment, but that was quickly replaced by a look of cold fury and he walked right past Gray, yanking his arm back as if he were burned when Gray tried to stop him from leaving.  _

 

That had happened four days earlier. Natsu hadn’t come home for three days and his chest had tightened when he walked into the apartment the night before to see an exhausted Gray passed out on the couch, deep bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep and several empty cups of coffee and energy drinks littering the counter of the kitchen and the coffee table in the living room. Natsu loathed himself more every time he hurt Gray, but he just didn’t know how to stop. He didn’t let himself think about it for long. The important part of that interaction, the one thing that mattered most at the moment, was that Gray said it would rain in a week. He’d said so four days earlier. That meant that three days from now the fires would die out and Natsu could steal a car and drive Gray to a hospital in the next town himself. 

 

He felt sweat falling down his forehead and wiped at it with the back of his right arm. He let his eyes fall on Gray. He cursed when he saw that Gray was practically pouring sweat down his chest, his neck, his arms. Natsu wasn’t in a much better state. The space was heating up because of the flames dancing above and if they didn’t stay hydrated, they wouldn’t survive a single day much less three. 

 

Natsu jumped out of the car and landed on his knees, his legs giving out under his own weight, a violent cough emanating from his chest. He hacked up a black fluid and forced himself to worry about it later. Gray came first. He forced himself to crawl toward the nearest wall and use it as a support to haul himself up. He was glad for the fact that most of the cars were missing at least one door or had their windows busted open. He would need that to find medication of some kind later, but he set to the task of searching for water. He found two half empty water bottles in a beat up corolla and rushed back over to Gray, leaning against the wall for support and walking sideways. He struggled to remove the cap of the water bottle his only one hand, but he managed. Then he realized he would need to tilt Gray’s head back to pour the water down his throat and he wouldn’t be able to do that with just one hand. 

 

He was panicking until he remembered a feeling of a soft cold pressure on his lips through a hazy dream of black fog and realized Gray must have given him mouth to mouth. He turned crimson and berated himself for it.  _ Of course _ Gray had given him mouth to mouth. He’d probably thought nothing of it, just doing whatever he thought he had to in order to help his surrogate brother. He steeled himself. It wouldn’t mean anything. He would do everything he had to if it meant he could get Gray to wake up. He brought the water bottle to his own lips and filled his mouth, cheeks jutting out slightly, and then he put the water bottle down and tilted Gray’s jaw up to relax his throat, one tan finger parting his lips and then Natsu leaned down and let the stream of water pour out into Gray’s moth, their lips meeting lightly. 

 

Midnight blue eyes shot open and Natsu pulled back with lightning fast speed as Gray began coughing. 

 

Everything felt hazy and looked blurry and Gray thought maybe he was hallucinating because for a moment, Natsu had felt so close, too close, and that couldn’t have been real. The sensation of warmth on his lips was his body lying to him, trying to convince him of possibilities that would never be there. 

 

Natsu smiled a small delirious smile. He didn’t hug Gray, because he didn’t want to risk moving him and causing him further injury, but the urge was there and he barely managed to contain himself. They were still pouring sweat and the air was stiflingly hot, and Gray had blisters all along his arms and Natsu was starting to feel dizzy and he wondered if maybe he should have tried to see if his back was still bleeding at some point, or if maybe it was dehydration robbing him of his senses, but he forced his eyes to stay open. He forced himself to bring the first water bottle back to Gray’s lips, the one that had more water than the other, and then to drink the second bottle himself. 

 

He held Gray’s hand in his own and looked into his eyes. 

 

“I’m going to find water and some medicine,” he said, willing Gray to understand the words he was saying. Gray’s grip tightened and Natsu knew he’d succeeded, although now he would have to calm Gray down. “I promise I’ll be right back,” he added hastily, “But I need you to stay right here, okay?” 

 

Gray opened his mouth, winced, and then forced out, “N-no.” 

 

Natsu tightened his grip on Gray’s hand in return. “Gray, I’m serious, you’re head got hit. You were bleeding,” at that, Gray’s eyes widened but Natsu went on through a cough, “You can’t move.” 

 

Gray grimaced, but his eyes narrowed at the cough and Natsu was grateful for Gray’s career choice for the millionth time because Gray wouldn’t let him leave the car until he’d memorized a list of what he should be looking for in the other cars to be able to treat both of them. 

 

Just as he stepped down from the car and gripped the edge of the seat to steady himself, Gray asked, “Natsu?” 

 

“Yeah?” Natsu asked in return. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d spoken without any hostility. 

 

Gray had a look of complete and utter frustration written all over his features as he looked away, apparently deciding against saying what he wanted to. 

 

He settled on, “Be careful.” _ You have to come back to me. Because I love you. Because I need you. Because I always have and I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you and I’m sorry you got stuck with me, but I have to make sure you’re safe. I could spend my entire life making sure you were alright and I wouldn’t regret a second of it. _

 

Natsu grinned back at him, “I will.”  _ I’ll protect you. Because I’ve hurt you enough. Because this is all my fault. Because I love you and I don’t deserve you but I can’t let you go and I’m sorry I ruined your life, but I’m going to try to be better. I would do anything for you, anything if it meant you would stay with me.  _

 

Natsu breathed in deep, forcing down the raspy sensation that indicated he would be coughing the black sludge up again. He didn’t have time to stop and suffer. He had to find them supplies, medication, then worry about getting Gray food. 

 

Three days. He just had to keep them alive for three days. 


	8. Prove It

_ It had been a few years since the fire. Natsu and Gray were in their last year of middle school. Their friendship, though most people couldn’t figure out if they were actually friends or not, was strained. They both chose each other as partners for projects, sat together for lunch, tore anyone who hurt the other apart, fought for each other tooth and nail and yet, they hardly ever spoke to each other. Natsu didn’t smile with Gray. Gray looked miserable in Natsu’s presence, and miserable yet guiltily relieved if Natsu was away. It was awkward and painful to watch, the way they obviously cared for each other, yet seemed to despise each other too much to admit it.  _

 

_ It was a Wednesday. They’d arrived to school together, as usual. They didn’t have their first class together, so Gray had to go to the north side of the school while Natsu would go to the bungalows near the P.E. field. They didn’t say ‘bye’ or ‘see you later.’ They never did that. Natsu would either shrug and leave or Gray would look at Natsu, one saddened glance, and turn away. That was how they always did it.  _

 

_ Gray went to class. Natsu didn’t. Natsu headed to the bathroom to see a friend.  _

 

_ “You haven’t been around lately,” came his welcome.  _

 

_ Natsu grinned. “I’ve got a shadow, can you blame me?”  _

 

_ The other boy smiled, brought the blunt to his lips and breathed in, his free hand snatching up Natsu’s collar from beneath the scarf and dragging him closer, their lips meeting and Natsu opening his mouth against the other’s, breathing in the haze.  _

 

_ Natsu took a hit himself and they reversed the process, the kiss lasting a little long this time around. The other kid adjusted his glasses afterward.  _

 

_ “So, you’re boyfriend still won’t lighten up?” he questioned.  _

 

_ Natsu gritted his teeth in irritation. Loke always did that. Talked about Gray as if he and Natsu were dating. Natsu had punched him a couple of times when completely sober, so Loke always waited until Natsu had a little of something in his system before teasing him.  _

 

_ “He’s not my boyfriend,” he denied, for what felt like the millionth time.  _

 

_ “You want him to be,” Loke threw out carelessly. He loved suggesting Natsu had a thing for Mr.Cold-and-Mysterious-to-Anyone-not-Natsu. He did it because Natsu always responded the exact same way.  _

 

_ Natsu sighed, and took another drag from the blunt. “Can we not talk about this?” he pleaded.  _

 

_ And that was why Loke kept bringing it up. Natsu could pretend all he wanted, but Loke saw right through the act. Natsu never denied it. Loke had asked in different ways: Do you like him? You love him, don’t you? You hate that Juvia chick for being all over him, huh? You want him to be yours. No matter how he phrased the question, Natsu always said the same six words: ‘Can we not talk about this?’ He never admitted to it either, not even when Loke got him piss drunk and high off his ass, but he never denied it and that was an admission in and of itself. How no one else notice it was beyond him.  _

 

_ What infuriated Loke the most was how Natsu could miss the fact that his icy highness was besotted with him, pining after him like a lovesick puppy.  _

 

_ Loke had started coming to the abandoned bathrooms because he knew no one would come looking for him in the middle of his high. Then one day a pink-haired kid came in trying to avoid class and Loke had shared his bottle of tequila and his weed because it was too much for one person who didn’t want to go to the hospital anyway. Loke had been Natsu’s first kiss, although they only kissed when sharing a blunt. They weren’t romantically involved, in spite of how it might seem. Loke was too heartbroken over the girl he’d left back home when his parents decided to move to the new city to take any real interest in Natsu and he’d long since realized Natsu’s heart was stuck on someone else too.  _

 

_ “You’re going to the field trip?” he asked, trying to get his mind off the course it was going on. If he let himself think of Lucy, he’d end up needing a drink on top of the weed to keep himself in check.  _

 

_ Natsu smiled widely. Natsu high was different to Natsu sober. Happier. Like his worries floated away and his wide grin was real instead of the plastered on thing he wore at school that made a few girls swoon. That grin wasn’t real. This one was. “Yeah,” he replied, “We leave after second period. You?”  _

 

_ Loke ignored the question. “Who’s ‘we?’”  _

 

_ Natsu’s smile stayed on for a couple of seconds as he processed the question, and then it faded into a scowl. “Gray.”  _

 

_ “Ah,” Loke said, pretending to be surprised. “Your boyfriend.”  _

 

_ “He’s not-” Natsu began, but Loke finished for him.  _

 

_ “Not your boyfriend, yes I know,” he interrupted, rolling his eyes. Natsu was looking at him with a clenched jaw and Loke suddenly had a wonderful idea. “Prove it,” he said.  _

 

_ Natsu’s irritation melded into confusion and he hesitated before asking, “How?”  _

 

_ “Kiss me,” Make me forget her.  _

 

_ Natsu only looked surprised for a couple of seconds before he gripped Loke’s hair and leaned in.  _

 

_ “Okay,” Make me feel something for you, make me feel more than Gray.  _

 

_ The kiss was hard and rough and completely… not worth it. Both of them pulled away completely unsatisfied, knowing it hadn’t changed a damn thing, and feeling miserable because that had been their last shot at hope and it had failed.  _

 

_ That was all made worse when they heard the creak of the door and saw who was looking at them, fury written all over his face. Natsu turned around at lightning speed.  _

 

_ “Gray, I-”  _

 

_ “You ditch class-” _

 

_ “I’m passing-”  _

 

_ “You smoke weed-” _

 

_ “It’s actually not that bad if you just-”  _

 

_ “You get drunk all the fucking time, Natsu!” _

 

_ “I never-”  _

 

_ “Don’t fucking lie to me!” Gray’s fists were clenched at his sides and he looked like he could kill both of them, “I can smell it on you at lunch, in class, three times a fucking week and you can’t even walk straight. Don’t you fucking dare.”  _

 

_ Natsu went silent and he tried to think of something to say, but his thoughts were muddled and sluggish and Gray went on.  _

 

_ “I may not be your ‘boyfriend,’ but don’t you think I give a fuck that you’re failing three of your classes? That you might have to repeat the grade? Are you really that stupid?”  _

 

_ Loke took another drag of his blunt. This wasn’t his fight.  _

 

_ “Why would you give a fuck?” The words were out before Natsu could stop them and he felt dread pooling in his stomach at the look on Gray’s face. The sheer hurt in his eyes. He suddenly wished he knew how long that hurt had been there, if he’d just failed to notice it before. What kind of friend was he? Had it been there the entire time? Had Gray always known?  _

 

_ Then Gray wasn’t looking at him anymore and his voice came out sounding lifeless when he said, “Right. Because that’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to not give a fuck anymore.”  _

 

_ Natsu was trying to think of a way to backtrack, to tell Gray that wasn’t it, that Gray caring about him was the one good thing he had in his life, but Gray was looking up at him, rage swimming in watery depths as he quietly, but steadily said, “Fuck. You. Natsu.”  _

 

_ Then Gray was gone and Natsu was holding back tears in an old busted up bathroom with Loke bringing out the bottle of tequila that he’d promised himself they wouldn’t drink that day. Natsu needed it. And frankly, after realizing that even someone like Natsu, fucking sunshine personified, couldn’t replace Lucy for him, Loke needed it too.  _

 

_ They didn’t drink much, seeing as Natsu was still going on the hiking field trip and Loke didn’t want to be responsible for the pinkette literally dying.  _

 

_ The bus ride to the field trip was awful. Natsu had trouble with transportation on his best days, but the alcohol intensified that aversion and this time, Gray wasn’t sitting next to him and helping him calm down. At one point, Natsu couldn’t stop it any longer and he forced open a window and threw up on a car’s windshield in the middle of the freeway. Everyone had a brand new appreciation for the way Gray usually looked after him during bus rides.  _

 

_ When they reached the hiking trails, Natsu felt slightly better, if only because there was nothing left in his stomach to make him feel nauseous.  _

 

_ Gray stayed toward the back of the class, following along while keeping a gap of at least five feet between him and everyone else. Natsu stayed toward the back, sending backward glances toward Gray every now and then that Gray didn’t see because he stared resolutely at the ground. He wasn’t done with Natsu. He couldn’t be.  _

 

_ But he’d heard Loke ask Natsu to ‘prove it.’ To prove Gray wasn’t his boyfriend. It hurt. It hurt more than anything had before, because at least before he’d been able to pretend his feelings were those of family, a close tie and nothing more. That stabbing pain in his gut, the way his chest just froze and shattered watching Natsu with someone else, his lips on someone else, his hands on someone else. It was too much to bear and he’d blown up over all the little things that had been bothering him all along when really, the reason he was pissed off, the reason he wanted to crawl into a hiding space and cry was that now he knew for fucking sure that he was in love with Natsu. Helplessly in love and that it was the worst time to realize it because Natsu obviously didn’t and never would love him back.  _

 

_ Gray was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize how close he was to the edge of the trail so high up. Not until he was tripping over the rocks and felt himself losing his balance, heard Natsu screaming his name in terror and saw the pinkette dive after him, a tan hand closing around his pale wrist just as he fell, pulling both of them down. There were screams and shouts above, but all Gray could focus on was the unbridled fear in Natsu’s eyes.  _

 

_ They hit some of the steep dirt on the side of the mountain, saw the cliff they would fall off of if the couldn’t break the fall at the tiny landing, and Gray thought they were going to die but Natsu’s grip on his wrist didn’t falter and his other hand latched onto the exposed roots of a small tree that shook under his grip. He felt it give slightly and hurriedly hauled Gray onto the small patch of dirt before the cliffside, pulling himself up mere seconds before the root he held onto tore out from the side of the hill.  _

 

_ Someone else might have celebrated.  _

 

_ Natsu turned a furious gaze to Gray and yelled at him, “Stop trying to get yourself killed! I’m not always going to be here to pull you back from- from…” And just like that all the anger and frustration was gone and he looked almost as vulnerable as the day of the fire, tears shining in his eyes yet not falling, lost in the memories of a ruined childhood and the fire that ended it.  _

 

_ Gray realized he would be okay with Natsu not loving him, with only being like a brother to him. As long as Natsu stayed by his side, as long as Natsu was there, he could bear the pain. He would always pull Natsu back from the fire. He often forgot that Natsu, as much as he seemed to hate him, would always be there when Gray really needed him. Natsu would always pull him back from the edge. That was enough. It had to be.  _


End file.
